I’ve been nominated by my fellow #flashdog friend, uber talented writer Chris Milam, for the Liebster award. It’s a fun way for virtual buddies to get to know each other outside of the confines of 140-character walls, and beyond the realms of small talk.
You can read Chris’s own highly articulate and entertaining (not to mention very kind) Liebster post here.
You probably know how this works –
11 random facts about me
11 answers to Chris’s 11 highly original questions
11 equally original (gulp) questions from me, for my three nominees.
Gosh. Well, here goes.
11 facts about me
2. I was brought up living above a funeral parlour.
3. When I eat an apple I eat the whole thing, core, pips and all. I just leave the stalk.
4. I once had a long late-night chat with the late great soul singer Jimmy Ruffin. We debated the existence and nature of God.
5. I have word/taste synaesthesia. You may already know that, as I’ve shared it before, but I thought it might be fun to tell you what the names of some of my #Flashdog friends taste like to me:
Chris Milam: Plain crisps (chips, if you’re American) and white chocolate
Grace Black: Chips (fries, if you’re American!) with gravy, and liquorice
Mark King– Smarties and jam tarts
Rebekah Postupak– Bacon with vinegar and salted crisps (chips)
Stella Turner– Stock cube and pickled turnip
6. I’ve never seen Star Wars.
7. Cyclist and Tour-de-France winner Bradley Wiggins went to the same high school as me. I bet he’s really proud.
8. You know how, when most new mothers see their babies for the first time, they think they’re the most beautiful babies in the world? Well I’ll let you into a secret about me- mine actually were.
9. I have played the piano in Studio 2 at Abbey Road, both the piano on which Lady Madonna was originally recorded and the studio’s gorgeous Steinway Grand.
10. I once worked at Madame Tussauds in London. When I was stationed at the Chamber of Horrors I was supposed to walk through it by myself every morning, before anyone else was there, to check everything was okay. I could never bring myself to do it. I would wait just by the Chamber exit, under the eerie gaze of Charles Manson and the Manson Family, until I saw the first tourists coming through. Then I’d casually begin walking through myself.
10. I lose the ability to count when I run out of interesting things to say.
Answers to Chris’s Questions
1. What is your greatest strength and weakness as a writer? Explain.
My greatest strength is probably my ability to edit. For me first drafts are bare-butt nude while final drafts are appropriately dressed.
My greatest weakness is that I have a fickle muse. She’s great when she’s around, but she gets stroppy and sulks when she’s summoned at will unless I can catch her in a very good mood.
2.Describe yourself in 15 words or less. Your answer must be in the form of a three-line poem.
Hidden in a half-shell, feathering
the nest, and filling empty space
3. You can be anywhere in the world and you have one hour to yourself. Where are you and what are you doing?
I’m in the Sprookjes Bos (Fairytale Forest) in the magical Dutch theme park De Efteling. There’s no-one here but me.
Maybe I’ll tiptoe past sleeping guards and climb the stone steps to Sleeping Beauty’s tower, or perhaps I’ll go find Grandma’s Cottage in the trees, where the wolf is already knocking at the door. But I’m definitely going to sit for a spell in the garden, where a golden ball once lost by a princess will rise from the depths of the fountain, and the toy soldiers in the flower beds will occasionally come to life.
4. If your life was made into a movie, who would play you and what would the title of the film be?
She’s way too pretty, but the only Oriental-looking English-speaking actress that I can think of is Lucy Liu. I don’t know if she can sing though, because obviously the film would be a musical.
As for the title- well, I once wrote a short memoir entitled By the Watermelon Slice of the Cooking Oil Door, so let’s go with that.
5. From a reader’s perspective, what do you look for in a piece of flash fiction. What makes the story sing?
As well as beautifully crafted imagery, I love reading flash where the writer really has managed to place half the story between the lines for the reader to find for themselves. I thought that this Flash! Friday entry by Michael Seese was a brilliant example of both of these things.
6- What is your favorite quote? Explain why.
‘Sing to the Lord a new song, for He has done marvellous things.” Psalm 98:1.
At a time of change in my life, these words reminded me that the good things that I’d left behind were a reason to look forward, and not back; that I should embrace the future with a grateful heart and try to find that new song.
7- What is your greatest accomplishment and your biggest regret?
My greatest accomplishment so far is selling a short story. The amount I was paid was like the teeniest weeniest fraction of a crumb compared to the bread I earned as a lawyer, but it felt like a million dollars.
As for regrets- best not to get me started on those. I have too many.
8- Should writers of flash fiction/poetry be compensated or is the exposure of being published in a magazine its own form of payment? Explain
If a publisher is going to make money from a piece of writing, then so should the writer, of course. However a lot of the time that’s just not the case. And I think the world of flash is probably such a fresh and vibrant one because it’s filled with so many high calibre writers whose first love is writing for its own sake, and for the joy of being read.
9- The apocalypse has arrived and you are forced into a bunker for an indefinite amount of time. You can bring only one of each: A book, movie, beverage and food. What do you choose?
Well, I already get to take the Bible and fresh water, right? Yes I thought so.
In that case, if it’s cold in the bunker, I take English Breakfast tea and fruit cake.
And if it’s hot, I take Prosecco and strawberries.
For my movie I choose Saving Mr Banks.
And for my book, I take, of course, my print copy of the Flashdogs Antho. I have 110 different reasons to do so (and 33 more very good ones).
10- Why do you write? Explain thoroughly.
I love words. You can do so many things with them. They are coloured beads to be strung, or brown bricks to be stacked; they are raindrops to catch or notes to be played. You can grow them into forests, or lay them out like corpses; you can spin them into gold, or fling them into space.
Without paying anything, without relying on anyone else, when I sit down to write I have every last drop of the ocean moving and swaying at my fingertips.
11- What is your epitaph going to say when you punch the clock one final time?
As an aside, I’ve always thought that a highly polished gravestone with nothing but the words “SLIDE TO UNLOCK” and a single horizontal line carved across it would be an intriguing find in a cemetery.
But I find that I am literally incapable of suggesting the words for my own epitaph. Feel free to analyse this; I’m sure it tells you something about me.
11 questions from me
1. What would be in your Room 101 and why (either in the true Orwellian sense, or in the sense of the BBC TV programme of the same name)?
2. What’s the biggest risk you’ve ever taken?
3. Which is the musical instrument whose sound describes you best? (Give us a link to an example of the sound if it’s obscure!)
4. Which story or line from a story that you’ve written would you like to see illustrated, and how (painting, sculpture, cartoon)?
5. Which piece of flash or short story written by someone else would you like to see made into a movie, and why? (Please share a link to the story). Who would star?
6. What is your greatest writing ambition, and what is your wildest writing dream? Is there a difference?
7. Do you publish/post/submit everything you write? If not, what makes you decide not to release a piece into the wild?
8. Which food or drink is the best metaphor for your writing style, and why?
9. We go on a journey into the furthermost corners of your mind. Do we need a torch, or shades? What else would we be wise to bring?
10. That wildest dream from question 5 has just come true. Money is no object. How do you celebrate?
11. What question do you wish I’d asked you, and how would you have answered it?
And now, with a small sigh of relief, I hand the mic to the following nominees:
All of them writers with formidable talent and whose answers to my 11 questions I would love to read!
Thanks for reading!